There is a scene in Steel Magnolias where Dolly Parton's character, Truvy is having a conversation with Olympia Dukakis as Clairee. They are commenting on the way a woman at a wedding looks like while she is dancing "Two pigs fighting under a blanket" is I believe how the phrased it. Truy leans over to Clairee and says "These thighs have not left the house without lycra on them since I was 14" and Clairee responds "You were raised right".

Well I was raised right, and every good Southern woman knows a little lycra never hurt anyone. I have had a girdle I have worn since I was 16 and weighed 120, well 20 pounds later I don't leave home without it. Sure Sir Mix-a-Lot would not approve, but who cares.

Here are some tricks of the ass slimming trade…

My personal savior, the hip slip. I got my first hip slip in high school and it has been true love ever since. What the hip slip is a lycra mini skirt basically. Not only does it suck everything in from tummy and thighs to my ghetto booty it also covers up panty lines. If you are wearing a tight skirt and don't feel like walking around with dental floss panties up your ass all night, this is a nice option.

A good pair of support hose goes a long way. I like to pair up support hose under my tights. Under a pair of tight pants they can really slim you down. Again, they help hide panty lines.

Heels. There isn't an ass a good pair of slutty heels can't help. The taller the heel the better (and I don't mean wedges, reference this). I swear by them that they take 10 pounds off an ass. A little added height works wonders.

Grandma Panties are your friend. Especially the kind with built in support for tummies. You can get these with ass and tummy support, a double whammy. Warning: You better rush into the bathroom and take them off before your date sees them or you will be getting no action that night. No one said they were sexy, that's why we call em' grandma panties.

Black. God is it hard for me to deviate from the old standard black. Sure, I'd love to wear print pants and skirts, but I know it would make my ass look like a picnic table, hot dog anyone? So alas, I avoid it. If I wear print at all down there you better bet it is vertical stripes. Horizontal stripes anywhere but across your boobs, are a big mistake. They make things look bigger. So if you are trying to slim up that rear, stick with dark colors.

Be proud of your body and who you are and all that self affirming stuff, but always remember if God didn't want us to use lycra he would not have invented it.