CRAFTY

*NEW* I just made the coolest magnets for my new fridge and here is how. Go to the thrift store and buy those bags of junk jewelry they always have. Sort out the tack-a-licious broaches and earrings. Clip off the backs and super glue a strong magnet to the back. Presto, cool as crap fridge magnets.

Make a mellow pillow for your eyes. Get an old silk scarf at the thrift store and cut it to 5” by 9”. Sew together inside out leaving an opening on one side. Reverse the fabric and fill with 1 cup small grain rice and 1 tablespoon dried lavender. Stitch up opening and there you go.

Give a pot of floral bobby pins for a gift. Get some bobby pins and glue small fake rose buds on the tips of the pins, or wire them on. These look really cute in your hair. To finish off the presentation of the gift. Get a very small terra-cotta pot and stick a little piece of florist foam in the bottom. Stick the pins in the foam and there is the pot full of flowers!

Make your own party beer. Soak the labels off the beer or get them off with a straight razor. Then decoupage your own on. You can make some on the computer or use cut outs from old magazines. I made porn beer for a friend to drink at his birthday party, it was a big hit with him, not so much with his girlfriend!

Next birthday party you attend give an N’Sync or Brittany Spears poster as a gift that you have forged a birthday wish from the star on.

Coat all your wire hangers with chenille yarn or pretty floral ribbon.

Treat yourself to some pretty stationary and hand write a letter to your grandmother or an out of state friend. Do you even remember how to write in Cursive?

You can make shrinky dinks out of your used plastic milk cartons. Color, cut, and bake.

Make bracelets with pretty colored beads and lettered baby beads. You might do a name, or diva, or when I was a feminist I made a necklace that said Pussy Power.

If your friend gets dumped you might make them a heartbreak survival kit with a Le Tigre tape, some chocolate, and a box of Kleenex.

Save all your little icky soap shards in a jar to eventually be melted down into a new bar of soap.

Always keep a journal, glue stick and scissors in your purse. When you hear or see a good idea you can jot it down or cut it out of a magazine and glue it into your journal.

If you have a little one to buy a gift for you might make them a treasure trove of dress up clothes. Go to the thrift store and buy some really funky clothes like a long lost prom dress or a leisure suit, hats, scarves, jewelry, wigs. Put it in a box and the kid will be endlessly entertained playing dress up!

If you have ugly pull down blinds, think about fixing them up. Paint them and the decoupage pictures all over them so when the blinds are pulled there are pictures of the members of Kiss or people you admire, whatever floats your boat.

Still hanging on to that Cure T-shirt you got 10 years ago. Have all your band T-shirts sewn into a crazy quilt.

If you ever travel out of the country save some of the coins. When you get back buys some small round magnets at a craft store and glue the coins on them. Then you can see your souvenirs all the time on the fridge.

Cupcake soap. Line cupcake tins with cupcake paper and fill with your molten soap. Top with some whipped Ivory, sprinkle with glass beads and a pair of plastic cherries from the craft store. Looks good enough to eat!

Make your own magnetic poetry. Type out words, pet names, conjunctions and all that good stuff on the computer and print it up. Decoupage down to sheets of magnetic paper. Cut out the words when dry and presto!

Save up all your wine corks to glue onto a piece of wood and make a bulletin board out of.

Some paint, a magazine cut out, and a bottle of modge podge opens up a world of possibilities for light switch plate covers.

Can’t resist mix matched crazy glasses at the thrift store? Fill them with wax and a wick and make them a candle.

Melt old records so that they warp into the shape of a bowl and you can use it as a candy dish or a planter (it already has a drainage hole)

Make your own fortunes (like the kind inside the cookies) on a computer, cut into strips and laminate. Make smallish glycerin soaps and float these fortunes inside. Give as a gift in a Chinese food take out box.

Save all your coffee cans to paint and then make into either a planter or a luminary with the help of a hammer and a nail. Fill can with water, freeze, hammer in nail to make a design, dump out ice, plop in lit candle and there you go!

IN THE KITCHEN

To keep your apple slices from turning brown soak them in pineapple juice for 10 minutes.

For fancy ice cubes for ice tea at a garden party or cocktails at a soirée freeze stuff in them. Grapes, edible flowers, or mint leaves all look really nice.

Make a fish bowl desert. They have pre-cut pineapple in cans in the shapes of sea life, buy a can. Make some blue Jell-O, stir in the pineapple sea creatures and serve in some wine glasses or something clear.

Whenever you have to marinate something, put it all in a ziplock bag to dirty less dishes and take up less room in the fridge.

Sticky noodles a problem, add a drop or two of olive oil to cooking pasta or squeeze a lime over pasta when it is cooked and strained.

To get the most juice out of a lemon or lime for your buck roll under your palm along the counter top for a minute before cutting and squeezing.

If you are out eating salsa and the waiter forgets to bring you the drink you ordered. Start eating salt to stop the burn.

If you have to slice meat really thin stick it in the freezer for a few minutes. Makes it easier to cut.

Make more soup than you will need then freeze it in several lunch sized Tupperware containers so you can grab it on your way to work.

Always add dill weed to scrambled eggs because it is yummy.

If you can’t get a jar to open tap all around the sides with the handle of a knife.

When making ice coffee be sure to use ice cubes that you made out of ice coffee so the drink does not get watered down as things start to melt.

Buy a can of diced tomatoes (Cajun, Italian Mexican flavor) chill and spoon over salads.

Glittery grapes. Simmer ½ cup sugar and 1 cup water until sugar is dissolved and a light syrup is formed. Take off heat and dip grape clusters into syrup and set on cookie sheet. Sprinkle wet grapes with sugar. Sparkly!

Put mini marshmallows in the bottoms of sugar cones to prevent dripping.

A quick ass side salad is halved cherry tomatoes and diced cucumbers tossed with Italian dressing.

Next time you are at an Asian market and are running low on rice at home. Buy the cute 10 pound bag with the handle. When the rice is all gone you have a summer tote bag left over.

Make a lazy Suzan herb garden for your table. A small tote of fresh herbs growing in their pots make a nice centerpiece. Leave some shears and people can trim the herbs they want right off to add to their pasta, salad, soup, what ever.

Have walking salad dips at parties. Make little Dixie cups filled up about a quarter of the way with ranch and stick carrots and celery stuck in there. Hollow out a pretty squash to serve dip in.

Make an easy centerpiece for a fancy dinner. Stick floral foam in the bottom of a pretty bowl. Stick long skinny candles all over in the foam. Fill the bowl up with sugar and light those puppies up!

If you don’t really have enough wine left in the bottle to make a full glass, and don’t feel much like drinking it either, freeze it. Pour the left over wine into an ice cube tray to plop into sauces and casseroles at a later date.

Use your turkey baster to make perfect pancakes! Use a crochet hook to de-vein shrimp.

To reduce the stains in your Tupperware spray it down with non-stick cooking spray before dumping in your tomato based sauces.

Get a fancy champagne or white wine chiller. Fill a plastic bowl partially with ice cubes and petals. Insert a plastic litter bottle half filled with salt water (salt water won’t freeze and that is the whole to put the good drink in). Fill the rest of the bowl up with water and freeze. Pop out of bowl and fill the rest of the litter bottle up with hot water and you should have a frozen rose petal ring!

HOME DÉCOR & CLEANING

*NEW* If your paint brushes start to feel like a brillow pad, soak them in conditioner over night. Those bristles will be babies ass soft in a jiffy!

*NEW* Got some dirty batteries, like in your car perhaps. Poor a can of coke over it and goodbye corrosion!

*NEW* Tired of smudges and streaks on your mirrors. Clean them with ammonia and wipe off with newspaper.

*NEW* Having a dinner party and need an interesting center piece for your table. You can either fill a clear glass vase with gobs of hair gel from the dollar store (layer multi colors!) or grow some magic rocks available at most toy stores!

Take care of stains promptly. Fresh stains are much easier to remove than those that are over 24 hrs old.

Never rub a fresh stain with bar soap. Soap sets many stains.

Never iron stained fabric. The heat may set the stain.

Avoid using hot water on stains of unknown origin. The heat from the water can set the stain.

If you get something on your clothes while out on the town, dab it with cool water and then blot it with a paper towel, some toilet paper, or tissue. Let it air dry.

Hang chains and other necklaces around a mirror. Not only will your necklaces stay tangle free, they will add sparkle to the room.

Use the thrift store to make the inside of your medicine cabinets pretty. Old tea cups, jars, vases, cups make great organizers for cotton balls Q-Tips, barrettes and other little objects that tend to float around.

Collect colored glass and display in a window. I collect green glass in all shapes, shades, and sizes. One of my best friends collects red glass. Looks all pretty with the sunlight coming through.

Make a plush leopard skin headboard for your bed. Buy a cheap hollow core door and saw it so that when on it’s side it is the same width as your bed. Staple gun pillow stuffing all over the door and then cover with fabric. Pull the fabric tight and staple gun the fabric to the back of the door. Sit the door on your box spring and push you mattress against it to hold it in place.

Use pink light bulbs in a room or at least in your bedside light. Pink bulbs give off a warm glow and are not as harsh as normal bulbs.

Use alka seltzer tablets to clean the toilet. Drop 2 in the bowl, wait 20 minutes, scrub and flush.

Need to spice up your bachelorette pad. Start collecting vintage lingerie at the thrift store and hanging it all over your walls.

Don’t throw away your lemon, lime and orange peels put them in the garbage disposal to make the whole kitchen smell pretty.

Use air freshener to clean mirrors, not only does it do a good job it makes the room smell all yummy too.

Use a light bright as a lamp. Yes, they still make them. You can change the message with the season or your mood.

Always wanted a red or purple room, but don’t have the nuts? Paint the inside of your closet instead. Backs f bookshelves and insides of medicine cabinets work nicely too!

Hang a large mirror directly across from a window to bring the view inside and to reflect light.

Use old square suitcases stacked up as end tables. Not only are they cute, but you can store stuff in there.

Want your apartment to smell woody in the winter. Gather up pine needles and burn them in your fire place.

Buy seven or so round plastic hand mirrors in a variety of colors. Stick them to a wall in a circle with handles pointing inwards. Presto a new wall hanging.

IN THE GARDEN

Grow an herb garden in a baby pool.

Grow a salad. Make a mixed planter of just salad greens and herbs. Slugs love beer.

Got slugs eating your plants bury little containers of beer in your garden up to the rim and the slugs fall in and die happy.

Grow narcissus bulbs in old metal lunchboxes filled with fish gravel. To make you desk at work smell like heaven.

Think of cinderblocks and old tires as ready to be revamped planters rather than trash.

When you are eating a fresh pineapple be sure to save the top to plant in some dirt and grow your own pineapple with.

Save your avacado seeds. Stick a toothpick in each side and stick on top of a glass of water so that half of the seed is emerged. In a few weeks roots will start and then you can plant the seed in some dirt and grow your own!

Plant basil alongside tomatoes for improved flavor. Not to mention when making sauce they are right next to each other.

FOR YOUR HEALTH

*NEW* Remember when you were a kid and you would smear glue all over your hands to make you look like Freddy Kruger? Well now you can relive those days next time you have a splinter or cactus spine. Paint on, let dry, peel off.

For a pounding headache drink a caffeinated soda. Caffeine constricts blood vessels in your brain that can ease the pain.

Next time you have a canker sore in your mouth rinse with warm salty water twice a day until it is gone.

If you have cramps, drink some milk. Calcium reduces muscle cramps.

Think you might binge on junk food, brush your teeth. You are less likely to eat something if you have brushed your teeth.

Next time you have a blister on your foot slather it with Vaseline. Should lube it enough to not bother you.

If you have a hang over drink a V8. It helps really.

MAKE UP AND BEAUTY TIPS

*NEW* If you decide to go on the wagon and don't know what to do with that left over 6 pack in the fridge, rinse your clean hair with it. Beer works like conditioner.

*NEW* Not only is that can of Pam great to cook with, put cooking spray also dries your fingernails.

For rich looking nail polish color, use two layers of different color. First coat should be a metallic hue and the top should be a thin coat of a regular shade so the bottom coat can come through a little.

After shaving your bikini line apply baby diaper rash ointment to prevent ingrown hairs and all those icky red bumps.

You can’t wash your hair because you slept late try one of two tricks. Blow dry some of the oil out or soak it up by shaking some baby powder in your hair.

If your fingernails look yellow, run a cotton ball soaked in hydrogen peroxide over them.

If you are out of shaving cream and already in the shower you can use your hair conditioner in a pinch.

The best way to poke your eye out is to pluck your eyebrows in dead stop traffic. I sit in the perfect light for over an hour everyday, what better time to tweeze.

Want your lipstick to really stay on? Cover your colored lips with a piece of tissue and dust with powder. Do not wash your hair right after you dye it, try and wait at least 24 hours for the color to settle.

If dark polish has stained your nails soak your hands in some denture whitener for five minutes and then scrub with an old toothbrush.

To get rid of product residue in your hair once a month add a teaspoon of baking soda in with your shampoo.

For souper soft hands slather on the Vaseline and wear some plastic gloves to bed. You ca also slather your feet and then wrap them up with veggie bags from the grocery store, put some socks on top and in the AM, soft as a baby’s ass.

Put a dab of white eye shadow in the centers of your top and bottom lips to give the impression of curviness.

CLOTHING

*NEW* Love the look of straight leg boy cut pants, but have hips like a real woman that make the pockets gape and you look like an idiot. Stitch the pockets closed, its not like you are really going to use them anyway. Makes things look much sleeker.

*NEW* Most thrift stores and flea markets do not come equip with a dressing room. Two tips are always wear a tight tank under your shirt so you can try on tops. Second wear a long full skirt so you can try pants on underneath. Not that brave a rule of thumb is that if you can put the waist of the pant of skirt around your neck and they meet they will fit your waist.

A quick trick for making your boobs look bigger, borrow your little sister’s bra. Squeezing into a bra a size to small for you will make you look busting out with cleavage.

Tear out all the perfume adds from your fashion magazines and open them up and shove them in your underwear drawer!

Don’t hang your smoky clothes back in your closet. The minute you get home from the bar hang your clothes on the bar of your shower for the rest of the night so it can air out and won’t stink up the rest of your closet.

Get a cheap cardigan and have the first letter of your name monogrammed in a’la Laverne style. Makes a great gift too.

Get a pair of plastic flip flops and glue some jewels, flowers, sequins or feathers on. My favorite, at your local punk rock establishment you can buy spikes. So make some pretty pink flip flops with spikes in them.

Spice up the lining of your long winter coat by hand stitching in a thick floral ribbon over the hem on the inside of the jacket.

Don’t carry clutch bags - you can't touch people when you talk and gesture.

Cut the neck out of a T-shirt to give it that 80’s feel.

SMOTHER YOUR SWEETIE

*NEW* Been dating so damn long you have run out of gift ideas? Nothing says I love you to a guy like Beer. Hit the home depot and pick up a silver bucket for a couple of bucks. Next go to a liquor store that will let you break up the 6 packs. Fill the bucket with as many different beers as you can fit. Maybe throw in some pretzels, cigars or poker chips. Add a bow and your the best girlfriend ever!

Take the little pieces of paper out of Hershey’s Kisses and make your own personalized ones.

Get them a mousepad made for the office with a picture of the two of you on it.

Make a crossword puzzle about the two of you. You can buy cheap programs. 1 Down the restaurant we met at. 2 across the month we started dating.

Girls, kiss a piece of toilet paper and leave it floating in the toilet.

Speaking of toilet paper. Unroll the roll and write something endearing every few feet. Little love notes for them to wipe with.

Make them a giant card with sidewalk chalk on the cement outside their front door.

Write short, but sweet love messages on the tags of all their underwear with a laundry marker.

Get an iron-on made of your picture and make a pillow case for them.

Leave them a letter in a bottle. Write a love letter and stick it in a small bottle you can find at the craft store. Seal the bottle up and set it to floating in the toilet, sink, or bath tub.